High Needs Baby

Have you ever heard of this? I hadn't. Which is why when I stumbled upon this and was reading it, I felt like someone had  stalked me for weeks on end.

I have a high needs baby. I am sure of it. This is why I am an emotional mess, completely drained, house is always messy, my kids hate me because I have no time for them, my husband wants me back in the marital bed but I can't fathom the though as I am getting up once an hour, dinners suck, want to run so bad but can't, need to get the gym, piece of shit mother.

Cry...all I do is sit , nurse, rock baby, nurse, walk with baby, nurse, hold baby, nurse....you get the picture. There is no down time. I haven't been out of the house but only three times without her. I can't grocery shop, shop for myself, enjoy time with my husband or my other children. I miss them so terribly bad. I keep fearing the worse will happen...that my other kids will start to resent me and I am now fearing that my husband is giving up on our marriage. Is he? No, but this is what it feels like to me on one hour of total sleep per day.

I am lucky if I get a shower every third day. There is just no time--the crying is absolutely insane. There is no drowning it out. There is no stopping it. I have to make dinner in the morning because otherwise, no one will eat. She is worse at night.

I love my baby, please don't get me wrong. But, I am at my wits end. Seriously. I have had about all I can handle. I feel like such an utter failure. Please don't think that I don't want to do anything like the laundry or clean the house, or play with my other kids. Don't think for one minute that I want to be lazy. I am far from lazy. I have seriously gained 30 lbs since giving birth b/c all I have time to do is graze and I sit so long from nursing her that I rarely move. It is all so depressing. Blogging? LOL..she is upstairs screaming her head off right now and I had to walk away because I needed a break. I just can't deal. I just can't deal.